Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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