And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
