This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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