We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
