I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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