Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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