Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
