is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
