Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
