Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
