I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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