Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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