We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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