YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
