imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
