I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
