at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
