I skipped work to stalk him.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
