Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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