So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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