dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
