Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
