He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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