Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
