Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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