There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
