after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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