I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
