I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
