the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
