also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
