In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
