how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
