Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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