I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
