Your tits are I can't wait for
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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