This is not my ceiling
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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