OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Jerry, you need to find god
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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