After last night, I could never be a politician.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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