i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
