JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
