I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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