yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
