if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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