I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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