she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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