I met the friendliest cop last night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
