lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
