I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
operation have a gay friend backfired
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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