Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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