Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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