Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
