You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
