eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
