my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
