The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
