you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
