So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
